Closed mind meeting open doors

I realised something. The picture depicts to a certain extent of how I feel about myself recently:

http://mattmoriarty.com/sketchbook.html

It is not like I can't enter. In fact some doors are already opened and I know what's behind the door. I know who's inside and what they are doing. I really want to enter and join but somehow, I just stand outside. Looking inside but not going in. As if the ground outside has some adhesives that glue me to it.